The Paths We Choose
by Wicked-Roses
Summary: Severus reflects about the woman he loved. A one shot fic about Hermione and Severus.
1. Anti Litigation Scroll

Disclaimer:

On your way to Flourish and Blotts to purchase the latest Harry Potter Quidditch guide, you find an old rolled up scroll. You quickly bend down and pick it up. Upon unrolling it, you discover that it's blank. However, you remember Harry Potter's adventures with the Marauder's Map from his autobiography, _Harry Potter: Before and After Voldemort._

You take your wand, point it at the scroll, and say, "I solemnly swear that I will not sue Wild Rose, because I know that the Potter Universe belongs to J.K. Rowling, her licensors, and her publishers, not Wild Rose."

Suddenly, words magically begin to appear on the scroll. 

__

Moony: Ah, you figured out the password.

Prongs: Congratulations, but the words that we conceal so carefully will not be so easily revealed.

Wormtail: Yes, we are the keepers of a story that can only be shown to certain eyes, for it contains a pairing that not everyone agrees with.

Padfoot: At least some people have sense to know that the lovely Hermione shouldn't be with that greasy git. Why would she want him when she could have me?

Wild Rose: Oh, Padfoot, you know Sevvie's sexy. Who could resist that snarky Slytherin? I wonder what he looks like in just black silk boxers. 

Padfoot: Ah!!! Images!!!

Wild Rose: Now that I've punished Padfoot for remarking about my sexy Slytherin, it's time to ask you: Do you _agree with the pairing?_

If you answered yes, then point your wand at the purple button to your right.


	2. The Paths We Choose

Occasional patches of twilight blue could be seen through the dark, shadowy rain clouds that dominated the early morning sky. In the earliness of the day, the sun remained hidden below the horizon's edge, but not all were enjoying the peace and rejuvenation that sleep often provides. A solitary figure could be found high within the Astronomy Tower. He stood in forlorn silence as he starred out the tall windows at the quiet, dampened grounds.

He watched the rain droplets glide their way down the cool glass; the warmth of his breath clouded the window slightly. So often the droplets would join on their downward journey in a serene dance that only they knew. Their silent and harmonious union was almost mocking of the sorrow and loneliness caused by his thoughts.

Finally, his gaze returned to the letter tightly clinched in his hand. The quill's ink was smudged from droplets, but not those of the rain, and the once-crisp surface now bore the wrinkles of wear. Its contents were etched firmly into his memory, unfading with the passage of time. Though he could recite it word-for-word, he seemed to find momentary solace in actually reading them.

__

Severus Snape,

I have long retained certain emotions concerning you lock away in the deepest recesses of my heart and mind, hoping that eventually they would just dissolve into nothingness. To my dismay, they have remained and, worse yet, evolved. I have finally reached my level of endurance and can no longer hold within what I feel. I refuse to allow my inner turmoil to become public knowledge, even the knowledge of those I hold dearest, and thus choose to relieve my mind in the only form I deem available. 

I write this not for you but for myself. Though the letter is addressed to you, I never intend for you read it. As I said, I wish for no one to know the truth. This merely allows me to express what I wish I really could tell you. However, I also realize that I will not always be protected by the walls of Hogwarts and may one day become a victim of Voldemort. In that instance, this letter will be found among many others intended for the various recipients. I am not the most open person in regard to emotions, but I will not leave behind lies and doubts. Gryffindor honesty, I suppose. 

_Of course, why would Slytherin's Head of House have a shred of interest in the emotions of the detested Gryffindor Know-It-All? I truly don't understand how I can care so deeply for you, love you even, when you act like such a cruel bastard. The inner workings of the mind and heart are seemingly inconceivable.I once found your eyes cold and heartless, your hair greasy, and your voice dangerous and damaging. Now, I find all those to the contrary: a velvety voice that is alluring, hypnotic obsidian eyes, and raven hair of silk. Will this knowledge concern you? No. I am sure that once you finish reading, if you haven't already, that you'll undoubtedly find amusement at my audacity and insanity and will derive pleasure from watching the flames consume my words. _

Only in death will I gain the courage to give you this. For then, I will be spared the humiliation of your cruel rejection. Even with the knowledge that you will not return the feelings I have for you, my heart will always speak your name and yours alone.

Eternally,

Hermione Granger

***********************

He could remember the day as clearly as the ingredients and instructions to any potion he had ever brewed. The sky was clear of all obstructions to its gentle blue splendor. The temperature was unusually mild for the early June day, even more pleasant was the cool spring breeze that periodically flowed over the school grounds. The staff, seventh years, and parents were all gathered near the lake for the graduation ceremony.

As Dumbledore made his traditional speech about the future and opportunities that awaited the soon-to-be graduates, Severus tuned out the all-too-familiar speech and focused his attention elsewhere, more specifically on a certain member of Gryffindor. Hermione Granger looked radiant in the customary scarlet graduation robes of Gryffindor, her hair dancing gracefully upon the currents of the breeze. He shifted his gaze often, only allowing himself discreet and brief glances in fear he might get caught. 

Her mere presence stirred within him conflicting and foreign emotions. He had known regret, sorrow, and fear, but never longing. He had long admired the intelligence and sheer drive for knowledge she possessed, but during the latter part of her sixth year he was given the opportunity to see beyond the rigid schoolgirl. When the demand for potions in the war against Voldemort became too taxing, he was grudgingly forced to call upon her for assistance. Their long hours working together provided her a chance to prove herself as a formidable sparring partner and very competent in all that she was assigned. The enjoyment he found in her presence soon evolved the respect and admiration he felt into something more. However, he told himself that he would remain in the solitude that he had continually endured, never revealing the truth to anyone. He couldn't tolerate more humiliation at the hands of Gryffindors. 

As Dumbledore drew his speech to a close and the first Head of House ascended the platform to award the graduation certificates to her house members, Severus was pulled from his reverie about Hermione by surprised screams from the rear of the crowd. Full attention was quickly directed at the ring of black clad figures that had encircled the crowd. Voldemort stood in all his reptilian glory among his ring of Death Eaters.

Voldemort's delusional rationale had lead him to conclude that Hogwarts would be too preoccupied to be properly defended, and he also couldn't resist the temptation to ruin a momentous occasion. Dumbledore was long accustomed to the Slytherin's heir way of thinking and had planned accordingly well in advance. Using the same invisibility charm as the Death Eaters, Dumbledore had stationed members of the Order all around the perimeter prior to the ceremony's commencement. 

The Death Eaters were in turn were shocked to find themselves the recipients of well-aimed and rapidly fired spells, providing the unarmed a chance to draw their wands and engage in the battle. Once visible, the Order members immediately were faced with a counter attack. Old enemies were soon wand and wand, casting for their very lives. Severus became besieged in moments with the attacks of those he once kneeled and groveled with.

"Traitor!" Lucius Malfoy's voice rang out as he misfired a Cruciatus Curse in a fit of rage.

Utilizing his breath for greater purposes than insults, Severus used his voice to produce a series of successful incantations. So deep in concentration, the bittersweet results of a vital duel went unnoticed. A fact he would later find most regretful. 

Slowly, the Death Eaters' numbers began to diminish, one-by-one, but still the battle was not won. Set apart from the others, Dumbledore, Harry, and Hermione were trying to unsuccessfully overtake Voldemort. He had managed to deflect, avoid, and counter all the attacks, as an unconscious Ron discovered.

An ill chosen move caused Dumbledore to be hit by a deflected charm and resulted in him becoming virtually immobile. He was no longer a match for the snake's lightning reflexes. Realizing the golden opportunity he had, Voldemort launched an Avada Kedavra at Dumbledore. Observance and quick wit allowed the knowledgeable Hermione to cast an improved version of the Shield Charm. The curse was deflected from Dumbledore, but the charm was flawed. Instead of the curse being sent back to its caster, it was aimed at the shield's caster, Hermione. Voldemort's momentarily detraction by the failing allowed Harry the chance to cast his own Killing Curse, fed by the years of suffering he had endured and the hatred he felt for Voldemort. 

The body crumbled under the curse and the robes fell where he had stood. Floating above the ground, his blackened soul withered in agony as he cried out in pain. An invisible force was destroying him from the inside outward. With one final cry of agony, Voldemort's evil existence was finally brought to an end as his soul was scattered across the grounds. 

Leaderless, the surviving Death Eaters raced for their lives, but resistance was futile. They were easily retrieved and bound in preparation for Azkaban. The Order members began their search for the injured and the dead. Harry was exhausted and miserable. He had defeated the world's most vile wizard and lost one of his best friends in a span of five minutes. 

He conjured up a stretcher for the immobile Dumbledore and another of the unconscious Ron. He refused to throw Hermione onto a stretcher and act as though she was insignificant. Instead he chose to bear her weight in his arms as he carried her lifeless body to the castle. Many watched in silence as he continued his painful journey. Only then did Severus learn what had occurred. The years of discipline and self-control were the only things that prevented the release of the powerful and heart-wrenching emotions that washed over him. He left for his chambers unnoticed by anyone. There he could lose control without fear of discovery. 

In the week that followed the final battle, Severus grew more distant and isolated. With the cancellation of classes, he was free to remain in the isolation of his chambers. Most took it as his normal anti-social behavior, but a select few knew that something was troubling him. When darkness fell, he would stalk the hallways, taking out his pain on any foolish enough to roam the hallways after curfew. 

As promised, Severus received the letter she had written on the Saturday following her death. With a mixture curiosity and surprise, he opened it and, for only the second time in his life, he cried. The idea that the only person he had ever loved had felt the same was almost unbearable. His cowardice had prevented him from even finding short happiness before her death. Worse yet, a large part of him blamed himself for not being there to protect her. Guilt and grief drove him into an unfathomable depression.

***********************

A year later the grief and guilt had not faded nor even lessened. Severus had become even more withdrawn, though he used his bastard facade as an outlet for his grief. The trip to the Astronomy Tower had become a daily routine, a place where he could think of only her and what could've been. The tower always reminded him of her, because of the numerous times he had caught her there on his nightly patrol. The tower and her letter were all he had.

As the sun laid its grip to the horizon and let forth its first rays of light, Severus knew his time was growing short. The rain had finally stopped and the clouds appeared to be gliding onward. He glanced once more onto the grounds and considered that he could always end it now, but that was dismissed as it always was. He would not accept the coward's way out nor would he choose a path that she would not sanction. 

"Love has no bounds, and death shall not sever the bond that love creates," he said in a barely audible whisper of resignation to a life of loneliness. Though in death, he would find the happiness he sought.


End file.
